News of the World

This defusion exercise was submitted by Jacqueline A-Tjak on November 15, 2006

Hi ,

Let me take the bite. I went to a performance with six men. The performance was about 'music is everywhere'. They started by reading a newspaper and making sounds by manipulating the newspaper. And then they started to repeat a sentence, words from the sentence, that turned it into music. The phrase they used was something like: News of the world. One would repeat the phrase, others would say just some words in a certain rythm. I thought it was a great defusion experience. The content of the words disappeared completely. They were noises, sounds, fun. I intend to use this in my therapyroom.

Jacqueline

School of Fish

A cognitive defusion and acceptance exercise including instructions (see attached, pdf format).

What it is (from the exercise instructions): "In some ways, our experience of anxiety is like our experience of a school of fish. Imagine a school of fish seen from a distance. What you see is a large, looming, perhaps frightening shape moving through the water. It looks more like a large fish, perhaps a shark, than a group of tiny fish... If we got closer we would see the frightening object for what it is: not an object at all, but several smaller objects occurring in about the same space at the same time. "

So Who Are You?

This defusion exercise was posted by Hermann Meyer on November 29, 2006

Here is one of the best
I have come accross:

"So Who Are You?"

The witnessing of awareness can persist through waking, dreaming and deep sleep. The Witness is fully available in any state, including your own present state of awareness right now. So I'm going to talk you into this state, or try to, using what are known in Buddhism as "pointing out instructions." I am not going to try to get you into a different state of consciousness, or an altered state of consciousness, or a non-ordinary state. I am going to simply point out something that is already occurring in your own present, ordinary, natural state.

So let's start by just being aware of the world around us. Look out there at the sky, and just relax your mind; let your mind and the sky mingle. Notice the clouds floating by. Notice that this takes no effort on your part. Your present awareness, in which these clouds are floating, is very simple, very easy, effortless, spontaneous. You simply notice that there is an effortless awareness of the clouds. The same is true of those trees, and those birds, and those rocks. You simply and effortlessly witness them.

Look now at the sensations in your own body. You can be aware of whatever bodily feelings are present-perhaps pressure where you are sitting, perhaps warmth in your tummy, maybe tightness in your neck. But even if these feelings are tight and tense, you can easily be aware of them. These feelings arise in your present awareness, and that awareness is very simple, easy, effortless, spontaneous. You simply and effortlessly witness them.

Look at the thoughts arising in your mind. You might notice various images, symbols, concepts, desires, hopes and fears, all spontaneously arising in your awareness. They arise, stay a bit, and pass. These thoughts and feelings arise in your present awareness, and that awareness is very simple, effortless, spontaneous. You simply and effortlessly witness them.

So notice: you can see the clouds float by because you are not those clouds-you are the witness of those clouds. You can feel bodily feelings because you are not those feelings-you are the witness of those feelings. You can see thoughts float by because you are not those thoughts-you are the witness of those thoughts. Spontaneously and naturally, these things all arise, on their own, in your present, effortless awareness.

So who are you? You are not objects out there, you are not feelings, you are not thoughts-you are effortlessly aware of all those, so you are not those. Who or what are you?

Say it this way to yourself: I have feelings, but I am not those feelings. Who am I? I have thoughts, but I am not those thoughts. Who am I? I have desires, but I am not those desires. Who am I?

So you push back into the source of your own awareness. You push back into the Witness, and you rest in the Witness. I am not objects, not feelings, not desires, not thoughts.

But then people usually make a big mistake. They think that if they rest in the Witness, they are going to see something or feel something-something really neat and special. But you won't see anything. If you see something, that is just another object-another feeling, another thought, another sensation, another image. But those are all objects; those are what you are not.

No, as you rest in the Witness-realizing, I am not objects, I am not feelings, I am not thoughts-all you will notice is a sense of freedom, a sense of liberation, a sense of release-release from the terrible constriction of identifying with these puny little finite objects, your little body and little mind and little ego, all of which are objects that can be seen, and thus are not the true Seer, the real Self, the pure Witness, which is what you really are.

So you won't see anything in particular. Whatever is arising is fine. Clouds float by in the sky, feelings float by in the body, thoughts float by in the mind-and you can effortlessly witness all of them. They all spontaneously arise in your own present, easy, effortless awareness. And this witnessing awareness is not itself anything specific you can see. It is just a vast, background sense of freedom-or pure emptiness-and in that pure emptiness, which you are, the entire manifest world arises. You are that freedom, openness, emptiness-and not any itty bitty thing that arises in it.

Resting in that empty, free, easy, effortless witnessing, notice that the clouds are arising in the vast space of your awareness. The clouds are arising within you-so much so, you can taste the clouds, you are one with the clouds. It is as if they are on this side of your skin, they are so close. The sky and your awareness have become one, and all things in the sky are floating effortlessly through your own awareness. You can kiss the sun, swallow the mountain, they are that close. Zen says "Swallow the Pacific Ocean in a single gulp," and that's the easiest thing in the world, when inside and outside are no longer two, when subject and object are nondual, when the looker and looked at are One Taste. You see?

© 1999 Ken Wilber

Becoming a Lawyer for your Family Traditions

I have used this with couples and individuals who are hook around 'being right' or taking a position that does not necessarily align with their personal values.

"How has your mind tricked you into taking on the role as a defense lawyer for your family traditions?"

This seems to help people be less 'fused' with historical content they carry with them into relationships outside their family of orgin.

Flyfishing and getting hooked

I have just been on a four day workshop here in New Zealand with Robyn Wasler – and it has stimulated a number of metaphors. Here is one that can be used around the idea of ‘buying’ our thoughts/feeling/reactions and treating them as if they are real. It also covers that it is part of the human condition to ‘get hooked’ – but that we do not need to stay hooked if it is our own mind that has hooked us.

Flyfishing Metaphor

“Have you heard about fly fishing. A good fly fisher knows exactly what the trout are feeding on and tie up flies that imitate those insects. They are so good at this that the trout can not tell the difference. They cast the fly into the stream right in front of the trout – the trout sees it floating by – buys that the fly is real, bites and gets hooked.

Our minds can be like really skilled flyfishers. Our thoughts and feeling are like really specific flies our mind designs and are just the ones we will bite on. Our mind casts them out on the stream in front of us – they seem so real to us and so we ‘buy’ them, bite and get hook.

Once we are hooked, the more we struggle the more we are behaving in ways that pulls the hook in further and keeps us on the line.

Funny thing is our mind can only tie flies on barbless hooks. It feels like we can’t get off, but if we pause from the struggle and spit the hook out – we are off the hook. Our mind will tell us there is a barb on the hook and we can’t get off – but if we stop struggling so hard, we get off the hook.

As we swim in the stream of life there are flies floating by on the surface all the time. As we get better at spotting ‘ that is just another fly floating by – I don’t have to bite’ we get hooked less often. But it is part of being human to get hooked on a regular basis. Remembering these flies are always on barbless hooks allows us to spend less time struggling, to get unhook and to then have the flexibility to swim in the direction our values let us know we want to."

Life as a cycling race

In a way, life is like a cycling race. We are all pedaling and we wear shirts with words written on them. In French we have a way of speaking («Vous roulez pour qui ?) that translates litterally into "for whom do you travel ?" The idea is the same as the one Bob Dylan expresses in the song "You've got to serve somebody". We sometimes believe it's possible to have blank shirts without anything written on them or we can "not know" for what we pedal but in this case it happens that we nevertheless have something written on our shirt, namely "NOTHING" or "I DON'T KNOW". And how does that feel to travel for that master ?

Now imagine there is a shop with piles of shirts wearing all kinds of words written on them. Like ELEGANCE, GENEROSITY, LOYALTY, HEALTH, LOVE, CARING, HONESTY, and so on. And you can choose, for free, any one of them. Which one would you choose ?

And look what happens (at least to me). There comes this voice (you've probably heard it before) that says : "Waah, ELEGANCE, are you kidding ? Have you looked at yourself in a mirror ? That one for sure is not for you." Or something like "How come you want to take CARING ? With that crappy introverted personality of yours ? Or like "XYZ, are you crazy ? You really don't have the temperament to do that !"

Can you have all these thoughts AND take the shirt you find «way cool», the one showing the quality you choose to «make important» in your life (thanks to Hank Robb for those wordings) ? Then, find a goal, preferably a small one, an action that would lead your life a tiny little bit in the direction of that value, and DO it ! Of course the voice will come with you, all along the way. See if you can welcome it without trying to have it shut up but without obeying it.

life direction metaphor

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

"Not very long," answered the Mexican.

"But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the American.

The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs. . I have a full life."

The American interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you!. You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat. With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge enterprise."

"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican.

"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the American.
"And after that?"

"Afterwards? That's when it gets really interesting," answered the American, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?"

"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."

nothing here

Opioid Substitution

People get into Heroin or Morphine for all kinds of reasons. You can compare it to getting into boating. At first you are given free rides and you like it. Then you get your own boat and you enjoy your trips. But soon you find yourself adrift at sea attacked by pirates. You have to seek shelter in a shark infested archipelago, full of reefs, sandbanks, rocks and dangerous currents and things get really unpleasant and very scary.

The sensible thing to do now is to throw in your anchor (which is a good metaphor for the Methadone substitution program). You are still in the same territory but for now you steadied the boat and you are safe from running aground, drowning and beeing eaten by sharks.

Remember, at that point there is nothing wrong with that sea anchor (Methadone). Lifting it (reducing/stopping) will not by itself be of benefit to you. You are not making any progress by setting yourself adrift again in those dangerous waters. In this situation the anchor is not your problem, it is your salvation.

But over time you will want to move on. So you think about where to go from here, looking for a safe direction and a worthwhile goal.

Once you have made up your mind where you want to go, you plot a course out of the treacherous waters. Now your anchor has turned into a hindrance and lifting it (i.e. getting off the Methadone) will set you free to move towards the goals you have chosen according to your deeply held values.

Makes sense?

Room full of adhesive tape

Picture your life as a room. One day you notice that a pipe near the ceiling in a corner is dripping. The sound of the falling drops makes you nervous and you'd like to get rid of it. So you repair the leak with a length of adhesive isolation tape and your peace of mind is back. Until the water finds his way through the glue and the dripping sound is back. Plop.... plop... plop... So you put one more length of tape around the first repair and you are quiet again. Of course your quietness doesn't last very long and you have to fix the leak again and again. That's not a great problem since adhesive tape is pretty cheap and you manage to always have a spare roll handy. It can take months, even years until you notice that that big clumsy repair slowly fills the whole room, that there's less and less space for you to live in and that the dripping comes nearer and nearer to you...

This metaphor adresses basically the same problem than the «feeding the tiger» metaphor. The hopelessness it conveys seems to me to be more «creative» since it doesn't lead to the thought «it's too late now, the tiger has grown so huge I really can't do nothing else than feeding him» clients will often buy when the «feeding the tiger» metaphor is presented.

The mind as a GPS

Sometimes I find it useful to see the voice in my head that constantly provides me with an analysis of the surroundings and tells me what I have to do to proceed safely (and to be right !) as one of those GPS systems you can have built into your car. A sampled voice will then give you constant advice about what to do at the next crossroads. These systems are very convenient and useful. But it's still important to keep one's eyes wide open. Some drivers ended in a river because a bridge had been suppressed and the system hadn't been updated. In the north of Europe, a truck driver got stuck in a narrow lane. For sure he was on the right way, but the road couldn't accommodate such a wide vehicle. And some accidents happen because a driver is too busy fiddling with the controls of the system and neglects to watch the road.

Of course that thought is perfectly logic and your mind tells you that it's not only a thought but the plain truth. But will doing what that thought tells you to do lead you in a direction dear to your heart ? Fiddling with the controls won't give you the answer...

Thoughts as sales representatives

This metaphor resulted from my work with the owner of a small business. I found it useful with other clients too.

Picture your thoughts as sales representatives. Some of them aren't really gifted for that job. You just tell them you are not interested or you are busy right now and they will apologize for having disturbed you and never bother you again.

But then there are the tough guys. If you refuse to give them an appointment in your office, they will pop up on the parking lot when you are going back to your car or even around your house wenn you are mowing the lawn and put their open briefcase under your nose with those fantastic products they want to sell you. Your life is becoming a hassle, you need to spend more and more time trying to escape them. Instead of doing productive work, you spend most of your time at the office door trying to get rid of them. Maybe it's easier to let them in, listen to what they want to tell you, thank them for coming and let them go... After all, you are the boss : It's up to you to decide which product you'll buy.

I sometimes add : And maybe one or the other of all these products they advertise could be a good business opportunity ?

Trumps

This came up in the context of 'creative hopelessness' when discussing a clients attempt to control anxiety etc. with rationality.

"So you have experienced that when playing cards with your mind the 'Rational' doesn't trump 'Feelings' or 'Thoughts'"

Waiting for the wrong train.

This is a metaphor that grew out of working with various clients over the last couple of years and from my own reading. I was thinking of the idea in ACT that clients can get stuck in a place of "things must get better, then I'll get moving". In this sense our clients (and dare I say, often ourselves as well) get stuck on our 'buts'. Sort of like "I know where I want to go but....I have this thing....it must go away or get better before I can do X,Y,Z". So we wait for our problems to leave or change before we can go on our merry way. So much so that chances to actually move in our valued direction may be missed, life passes us by while we wait for things to improve or while we avoid our discomfort.

So before I go on anymore, here is the metaphor I came up with.

"Imagine you are going on a journey. Somewhere really special, where you really want to go, somewhere you've wanted to go your whole life. When you get to the train station you see two trains, one is a bit odd looking and strange, some of the seats look a bit hard and overall it looks a bit dirty and uncomfortable. On the next platform, there is a different train; it's a super train. It looks familiar, safe, reliable, the sort of train an accountant or an insurance sales man might prefer. The sign says it has air conditioning, a cinema, and a fancy all you can eat French restaurant that is free. You think, wow! I just have to take this train, I couldn’t possibly make my journey on that other one, no way! So you wait for this 'great' train to get ready to board and the odd looking train goes on its way. And you wait for the safe train some more and another odd train leaves the station, and another. All the while you are waiting for a chance to board this great reliable train so you can take your journey, as yet another odd looking one leaves. But here is the thing. What if the safe train can't ever board, what if it won't ever leave the station. What if you are waiting for the wrong train?"

Like most process in ACT there is no definitive right time to use this metaphor. It could be discussed like the man in the hole exercise, or I suppose it could be done more experientially, especially if your client has a clear idea of their values and can visualise stuff very clearly. However, I think what I am trying to get at is

1. You know where you want to go in life, what are you prepared to
have/experience to get there?
2. If we can't ever have discomfort, where does that leave us?
3. How does waiting for the good ol' predicable train work in terms of
actually moving towards our values and goals.

the metaphor was tweaked slightly after sharing it with the listserve for feedback. It was also realised by one person who gave me feedback, that the metaphor may lend it self to further tweaking. Essentially we have 2 trains, one that will help clients move forward that might be difficult and another one that they would rather wait for. It should be possible to alter the descriptions of the 2 opposing trains to better fit our clients difficulties.

So if the metaphor makes sense, if it seems to connect with some of the difficulties your clients are struggling with, then give it a go. If you do though, please feedback on how it went, what they made of it etc.

Your life as a movie

I've found this metaphor useful in values work and as a defusion exercise.Janet Wingrove's feedback (thank you Janet !) helped me to improve the wording.

Picture your life as a movie. The first episodes are already shot.
(Here I usually summarize what I know of the – usually difficult –
salient moments of the clients life). Now the movie is going on. Imagine
you are the director and you can direct an actor that plays your part.
But you're a special kind of director with a limited power. You can't
go to the screenplay writer and ask him to change the life events
happening to you or direct the other characters to act like you'd want
them to do. The only actor you can have an influence on is the one
playing your part. You can have him/her play exactly like the person
you dream to be. Figure out how you would want him/her to act, in that
precise situation you are experiencing now. How would you instruct the
actor to act if you want the continuation of the movie to resemble what
you would like your life to be, or to show the father / spouse /
colleague / etc. you would like to be ?

This metaphor has multiple sources.

(1) Doing values work with clients, I tried the tombstone exercise and
the funeral exercise and had the feeling they didn't really ring a
bell. It seemed to me that people understood them as one more appeal to
pliance, to being a «good boy» or «good girl».

(2) I found an idea of Dan Millman interesting : «When I refer to practicing "everyday enlightenment," I'm speaking about actually consciously asking, "How would an enlightened being act in this moment?"—and then acting that way.»

(3) Alexandre Jollien is affected by a severe form of cerebral palsy due to birth damage and had to face the trauma of being separated from his parents at the age of 3 and raised in a faciltiy for disabled children. He finally made it to a degree in philosophy and published two books the title of which can be translated as «In praise of weakness» and «The trade of becoming a human being». He's now married and father of a young child. He explains in his crippled voice how the ancient greek philosophers have taught him that one could sculpt one's life in order to do a work of art out of it.

(4) This connected with Viktor Frankl's suggestion to think of
ourselves as those who were being questioned by life - daily and
hourly. And with the bus driver metaphor, each question of life being a
new crossroad, a new opportunitiy to drive the bus in a valued
direction. The reels of the past episodes come with us. I remember Frankl
said that, in a novel or in a movie, it is sometimes what happens at
the very end that gives a new meaning to the whole story.

The recalling of this metaphor in some difficult situations sometimes
helped me to defuse of some tricky contents and to steer the course
dear to me. I had the feeling it was less felt as pliance inducing by
clients as the funeral and tombstone exercises. They sometimes answered
to it with statements like «I would want him (her) to stay cool, to
think positively etc.» which set the occasion for one more round of
creative hopelessness work.

What I'm mainly afraid of is that the
metaphor could be fueling self-accusations in all the cases where the
passengers succeed in having the bus driven in the direction they want
life to proceed.

I'm still interested in and grateful for any feedback

Batteries Exercise: Alternative to Life/Values Compass

This is an alternative to the Life/Values Compass exercise and can be used to organize behavioral activation efforts. I have used this as a metaphor when talking with clients about issues that are otherwise a bit abstract: helping connect them to the contingencies in their natural environment. Several clients have appreciated the metaphor as a simple and common language for having this discussion. Attached, you can find it in exercise form. I would recommend doing this after you have done some other values assessment/clarification so the client has specifics in mind for each valued domain.